Wilhelm the Iron Messenger arrives, following Sparte.

It's far past midnight and all the bars and late hang out places are closing up. The streets are starting to be filled with all sorts of vagrants that are looking to cause trouble before they pass out somewhere.

It's at this time of the night, that Jack the Wagon Master would be hitching up the big draft horses to his black painted wagon and driving around the different parts of Arx, loading up inebriated people and hauling them back to the jail to sleep it off. Only the most belligerent of drunks, naturally. But Jack is SICK. He's been sick all week! And so is his partner. So that leaves an empty wagon and a street full of randos to deal with.

Naturally, Calaudrin selected several random people to hitch up the wagon to 'just go take care of the drunks, okay?'. And here we are.

Kaldur sits astride Dumpling, the better to see the milling (staggering) throng as they clear out of the taverns to the tune of 'you don't have to go home,' begun in one tavern, 'but you can't stay here' finished elsewhere, a chorus of voices, the threadbare saying passed along since time immemorial and graven into the bones, much as Jack's wagon has worn ruts with its steady passage. In short, Kaldur will not be driving the wagon. He whistles, sharp, with lips pursed, "You there. Don't you-" he nudges Dumpling towards the man about to whizz on the side of a building.

It wasn't actually Sparte who was picked for the drunk wagon, but one person begged a favor of another person and eventually it ended up with a sleepy-eyed Sparte there to yawn at the other guardsmen on shift. He glances over at the whizzing man, then at Kaldur, and just gives a small nod. Seems in good hands, why gets his dirty?

Harper slips into the area, looking around curiously, with her patrol right on her heels. Stopping suddenly she looks back at them and grouses, "You don't gotta walk right on my feet! Use your brains and start looking around!" Spotting Sparte and Kaldur she gives them a friendly wave and heads over toward them. As she gets closer, she says cheerfully, "So we're the drunk squad tonight, huh? Did you upset Uncle Cal too?" She grins impishly and crosses her arms as she stops next to them.

The guy driving the wagon is named Ted, a grouchy guard more suited to the archives than patrolling. He works with Calaudrin a lot and seems unsuited to driving a wagon, but he's doing his best. Kind of. You know, if you count half-assing it while falling asleep your best self. "Uncle Cal... I hate his stupid face..." Mutter mutter.

As they pass their first bar of the night, the door explodes with light and laughter and the sound of querulous arguing. The bartender kicks out a pair of furious drunks, "You can't cut US off! We'll never come back here AGAIN." They stand in front of the window and proceed to make a lot of lewd gestures and shake their fists. Ted slows the wagon down and looks at the people not on the wagon. "Well, if you didn't want to rustle them up, you should have volunteered to drive the thing!" Sly bastard that Ted.

Kaldur draws up beside the wagon and leans over, fishing, "Aha!" He prises a bucket from the back and clipclip clipclop, urges Dumpling towards the whizzer. Too late. "Ach." Nothing to do now but wait. Dumpling sighs. Whilst waiting, Kaldur keeps an eye on the street (anything but the whizzer), lifting a hand in greeting to Harper. "Upset? He seemed almost chipper..." Almost. Though now Kaldur may be questioning WHY that was so. At the burst of activity, his head swivels around and he tosses the bucket at the unprepared whizzer. "'ey!" he slurs, "Tryina 'ave a piss in peace, 'ere." Kaldur urges Dumpling around towards the posturing drunks, ready to swing down if they attempt to make good on any of that posturing.

Harper snorts over at Ted and stomps over toward the two troublemakers, calling over to them, "What's wrong there fellas? C'mon leave the window alone and be reasonable." She grins and moves so that she's blocking one of routes of escape. Grinning at the troublemakers, she adds conversationally to try to distract them while the others do whatever they are going to do, "Were the drinks any good in there? Never tried that place myself."

Sparte ambles on inside the establishment, rather than have a conversation with the troublemakers directly as Harper is doing. Once inside he lifts up his Iron Guard Crest, idly checking his reflection in the window which the two are leering into the establishment through. He acts as if he can't notice them, taking a moment to huff on the crest and buff it shiny on his tunic.

"Hey, you! Fancy silky there on your horse! You like throwing buckets at us?! THE POOR PEOPLE!" That's one of the drunks to Kaldur when he sees the bucket go down. They go from menacing the remaining people inside (also cut short as the bartender closes the drapes) to yelling at Kaldur. "Dare you to throw a bucket me, I'd show you!"

The other focuses attention onto Harper, "Yeah, real good and that bastard said we couldn't have anymore!!" Then he starts to pound on the glass right next to Sparte's face.

Harper keeps a cheerful tone in her voice as best as she can, though the look on her face is wary as she eyes the man pounding on the window. She calls back to Kaldur, "You got that one, Kaldur? I'll take this one!" Looking over she walks closer and says in her most reasonable tone, "Stop beating on the window or you and me are gonna have a problem here. I really don't wanna problem alright?" She gives him a big grin and taps the crest pinned to her shoulder, "We're Iron Guard, so don't make me arrest you. Wouldn't you rather sleep this off in a warm, cozy bed someplace than in our dirty old jail?"

When the man rounds on Kaldur, threatening, Dumpling's ears pin back and she paws, nostrils flaring as she bobs her head against the collection of reins. "Easy, girl," he keeps his voice cool. He tosses his chin towards the wagon, an invitation, "'s one in the wagon. I'd be obliged." There's also the one on the ground, where the drunk man isn't any more. He's off down a ways, staggering home. Like a good drunk.

"Aye, we're good, Harper," he adds, signaling his command of the situation or at least his expectation.

Sparte holds up a finger to the pounding man, pointing off towards the side where the entrance is. "One sec, one sec." Sparte gives a friendly smile to the people inside as he heads back around to the entrance, stepping back outside and smiling at the pounding man again. "Over here."

"You'd be obliged? Why, aren't you so fancy! Throw your fancy bucket, you fancy silk!" Drunk #1 isn't too impressed with Kaldur's offer of a bucket and starts to approach him and his horse, menacingly. Stamping feet and raised hands. Yes, he will box you on your horse.

"You're going to arrest me? What are you, twelve, girl?" Drunk #2 replies to Harper before pounding loudly on the glass some more, he frowns at Sparte and his smiling. SUSPICIOUS.

Kaldur checked dexterity + ride at difficulty 25, rolling 26 higher.

Sparte's smile for drunk #2 widens into a grin. He waggles his eyebrows for emphasis. He doesn't approach the man, staying at that nice spot between the door and the entrance where the people inside don't have to watch.

Harper tsks at the man, still grinning, "Aww was that s'posed to hurt my feelings? Cause I'm fresh out of those tonight, sorry. Sorta like you're out of drinks right now." She motions over to Sparte, then says, "See my partner over there? He throws a real mean potato. You really don't want him to throw one at you. It'd be a heck of a headache in the morning." If he turns toward Sparte and away from the window, and if she gets the opportunity, she will immediately try to whack him against the back of the knees to get him on the ground.

Dumpling gives a low warning whicker, pawing again. Kaldur dismounts, landing as lightly on his feet as steel armor allows, hand on the end of an arm-length truncheon. "Dumpling, stand." At the command, Dumpling tosses her head, some of her tension easing. Some. Woe betide the man if he lays a hand on Kaldur. He addresses the man, "It's an easy thing, now, to just walk away." He takes a bit of a step back, lifting hands up to show palms. He tosses his head down the street, indicating the route out for Drunk #1.

Harper checked strength + brawl at difficulty 20, rolling 3 lower.

Kaldur has rolled a critical success!
Kaldur checked strength + brawl at difficulty 20, rolling 4 higher.

Drunk #1 has had enough of Kaldur, so he reaches down for the original bucket from earlier and throws it at him. Hopefully it's empty and so far un-peed in.

Drunk #2 stumbles forward a bit when Harper kicks him in the back of the knees and lands with his on the window. "Why you little..." And he immediately turns around and barrels full on at her, tackling the woman he just called a twelve year old. A true gentleman.

Kaldur checked luck at difficulty 15, rolling 22 higher.

More peed on than peed in, Kaldur swings his truncheon at the bucket, batting it away. "Hey! I requisitioned that!" hollers Ted, grumbling something about it not coming out of his pay if they get docked. He turns a hard eye onto the drunk, "You've had your fun, man. Go home." Kaldur's a nice guy. But this man is working his last nerve. Dumpling tosses her head, tail swishing.

Harper realizes a bit too late that she didn't have enough umph behind that kick. Then further realizes that she's about to be tackled herself. As quickly and nimbly as she can, she tries to turn so that he won't get as good a hold on her, either that or she's about to make this much more painful on herself. A loud "oof!" explodes from her as she lands hard. Sucking in her breath to try to catch it again, she starts trying to find a way to use her smaller size and wiggle free if she can.

Sparte's grin fades to a half smirk, a small shake of his head to what he sees Harper doing. "Guardsman Ashdown, I expect better." Sparte pulls his staff off his back, letting the end rest next to him. He starts to make his way over. "But I'll let you finish this if you think you've got it handled."

Harper checked dexterity + brawl at difficulty 20, rolling 1 lower.

Kaldur checked dexterity + brawl at difficulty 20, rolling 6 higher.

Drunk #1 frankly looks surprised when the bucket gets batted out of the air by Kaldur on his horse and proceeds to try and get up on the horse with him. "You're not the boss of me! IRON SCUM." The bartender is the only person left in the building and he pokes his head up from an upstairs windows to watch the drama unfold. "You got this you guys! Oy! Someone help that little person!"

Drunk #2 is wrestling Harper rather deftly for a drunk person and starts throwing fists.

Harper at least manages to catch her breath again, then loudly bellows over to Sparte, making sure that she does it right in the drunk's ear, "Nope! I got this!" With a determined grunt, she tries to throw her elbow someplace strategic if she can, determined to hurt him just enough that she can wiggle away. Unrelentingly, she continues yelling into the man's ear, "How're you feeling now! The drunkness wearing off yet?! See how you're wasting it all by fighting with me, dumbarse!"

Kaldur GM Roll checked strength(3) + brawl(3) at difficulty 20, rolling 11 higher.

Harper checked dexterity + brawl at difficulty 20, rolling 4 lower.

Sparte shrugs. If Harper says she has it... Well, you don't argue with a woman like that who knows where you sleep. "Alright, carry on." He goes over to the wagon, looking up at Ted curiously. "So... Cal is actually your Uncle?" Completely ignoring the madness the other two guardsmen are in the midst of.

Gods love him, this was one of the worst moves that Drunk #2 could make. Kaldur has discretion. Dumpling, sweet though she may be, does not. She is a trained warhorse and very good at her job. Her eyes go wide, rolling, as the drunk man approaches, lips skinning back to reveal large teeth. The better to bite him with, and she does. "Dumpli-" It's too fast for Kaldur to call her off. "Stand!" He repeats, louder. The man is welcome to get up on top of Dumpling. If he still wants to, that is. Kaldur, seeing Harper rather beset, sidesteps, keeping an eye on Dumpling's newest fan and reaching down to haul the man assaulting his fellow Guard up by the scruff of his neck. Shirt. Whatever he can grab.

Kaldur checked strength + brawl at difficulty 20, rolling 4 higher.

The bartender starts waving his arms from the window. "Hey, guy with the staff! Try doing something!" He starts taking things from the upstairs and is flinging them down at the man wrestling with Harper and trying to hit her. And he /is/ landing blows on her, still undeterred. Also yelling in his ear makes him angrier. Random things start smashing on the ground around them. One of them hits the drunk in the head and he goes 'owwwww...' Thankfully it's around now that Kaldur goes to help Harper, hauling the man off of her.

Ted watches all of this from the wagon, fascinated. When the drunk man starts trying to steal Kaldur's horse, he sighs and puts the reins down. With a sigh of GREAT resignation, he pulls out something that looks like a shepherd's crook, wanders out of the wagon and uses it to hook the guy by the leg.

Harper tries hard to wiggle free of the man, and somehow ends up even more pinned, taking a blow right on her ear that leaves her ears ringing. Then suddenly things are crashing down around them and she's dodging to try not to get hit by them herself, albeit not entirely successfully. Finally the weight of the man is off of her and she sits up rubbing her ear and gasping to try to catch her breath. Looking over at the man she frowns and gets up with a stubborn look to go help Kaldur get him into the wagon, whether she's needed or not (or of much help or not).

Sparte watches Ted get out of the wagon and helps himself to the seat Ted was warming, rather than go and interrupt Harper's, Kaldur's, (and now Ted's) fight with the drunkard. "Try to get them in the wagon when you're done."

Chase, a Silent Reflection in grey hooded robes arrive, following Vayne.

Chase, a Silent Reflection in grey hooded robes leave, following Vayne.

"Hey that's my seat!" Ted yells at Sparte, lifting one hand in a 'what the hell man' sort of way. He doesn't expect to win the fight though, Ted never wins the fights. He uses the crook to knock the first drunk off balance and then he climbs down to haul them bodily into the wagon, snapping an iron ring around one ankle. "Get comfortable there, buddy." It's almost like he's done this before! Once that guy is under control, he'll make gestures for Harper to shove the now disoriented second man to him. "Come on, Harper. Push him along, I'll take him."

Harper gladly gives the drunk a hard shove with every ounce of strength that she can muster. She mutters to him the whole while, well, she thinks she mutters, but the ringing in her ears has her practically yelling instead, "See? If you'd just have listened, you coulda been home in some soft bed somewhere. But noooooo! You brought this on yourself, idiot!" After Ted takes over she dusts off her hands, but shoots Sparte a narrowed gaze and yells at him too, "Remind me to keep Kenna as a partner! She's more helpful!"